I don't even know how to do this.

I have no idea what to write about or what would interest others. I have wanted to be a faithful "blogger" for some time now and this will be an attempt to help that come true. I don't even know how to do this but I'm willing to try.

Becoming a Christian was not in the cards for me if you would have looked at my life growing up. It wasn't something that people would have ever thought; that the Brown children would be Christians...much less work in the minstry. My parents were raised to think that everything in this life was from man. That working hard and money would give a person everything that they desired. My parents taught me how to put my head down and work hard, to be confident in the work I do and that there would always be someone out there that wanted me to fail so I had to prove them wrong and they taught me that I had to be independent and rely on no one but myself. . .then I met Jesus.

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my birthday and I was turning nine years old. Somewhere deep inside me I knew that I was empty and there was something that could fill my little heart up but I was unsure where to find it. I knew of a man named Jesus from a sunday school advertisment on Sunday's after "Feed the Children" went off. I remember thinking that Jesus was awesome because He was going around fixing problems and emptiness. So at the young age of seven I began begging my mom to let me go to church and met Jesus. But it wasn't a part of what my parents believed in or supported so the answer was always "no". Two years and the emptiness was still there and so were my questions about going to church. So my mom sucked it up and I got to go to church to meet Jesus on my ninth birthday. I remember being so confused because after I got to church I realized that I couldn't meet Jesus; I couldn't reach out and touch Him like the the woman did to be healed on the t.v. show. Confused, scared and nervous that my dreams of being filled by Jesus were not going to happen I began to ask more and more questions. I started begging to go to church as much as possible and my mom...with a deep sigh and a heavy heart started taking me to church.

I was baptized a few years later with the knowledge that I had encounted Jesus it was different then I thought it would be. It was better. My little heart was filled with this passion to live for Him and I knew that this life wasn't about me. For the first time I felt filled with a purpose. My youth minister came to my house and to talk to my mom and dad...I was junior higher. He wanted me to go to some weekend get-a-way called believe. I wanted to go because the church youth group was going. I had no idea want believe was. My parents kicked and screamed (not literally) but finally came to the conclusion that it would be ok for me to go. It was only a weekend.

I sat in an auditorium with my youth group in Tulsa, Oklahoma. There were two banners on either side of the stage. I still remember exactly what they look like. This was my first youth group trip, my first believe and first time I truly realized and grasped that I wasn't alone. The room was full of kids my age and adults that loved us. I remember, literally screaming to the worship songs because I was so excited to worship. For the first time I knew that I was exactly where I was suppose to be and that even when I went home I was going to be ok because I served a holy, powerful God that loved and cherished my existence. I was no mistake to Him.

I'm 21 now,. Graduated from college with a communication degree. My parents taught me to work hard and I do. I didn't even know that Christ In Youth was in Joplin until my mentor at college literally put me in her car and drove me to the office and said fill out the application to be an intern. A year and half later I'm on staff with believe. The very conference that set my feet on fire to run around like a mad woman for Jesus Christ! I feel overwhelmed, honored and scared to death. I'm a loner, backwards and awkward. I don't like public places and could easily be a hermit if I allowed myself to and yet God said no you are my creation and you can do this. I work with an incredible team of people that I am still getting to know that love God with all thier heart. They love junior highers and have a passion for the ministry that Christ In Youth is committed to.

Blessed beyond belief I sit in this coffee shop with tears streaming down my cheeks but I know that I am exactly were God wants me to be. I would have never thought it or dream it up myself but it feels good. I'm scared of messing up and looking silly....I'm scared of a lot of things....but more then that I am eager and ready to serve to the King.

To anyone that thinks junior highers aren't craving to know thier maker is crazy. I was a junior higher with a crazy family and heart to know why I felt empty but with God I felt filled.

Junior Highers love Jesus too.

believe....here I come. God...thank you...I'm relying on you...here I am; use me.